What Was Your Greatest Fear In This Lifetime?

What Was Your Greatest Fear In This Lifetime?

Amiel Roldan 

There comes a time at a crucial moment you either step forward or you let it go. Mine happened in an unfortunate place, occurrence and with people I had a hard time reconciling until now. 

It was when a loved one is in pain and no one can step forward to ease and help in a crucial moment. You have to step forward and just do it at that critical moment. 15 years ago, I had to rush out to a pharmacy store because an intubation tube just had to be bought while a patient was in cardiac arrest. That was a scare for me. After 5 to 10 minutes of adrenaline rush, you kinda feel so surreal. Then when you get back they can't put the intubation tube in after 5 times trying. It was Twilight Zone. I had to step in. I am a painter and now as a family member...

(Intubation is a critical medical procedure where a tube is inserted into a patient's windpipe (trachea) to keep it open, allowing for oxygen and ventilation, often to a breathing machine. This lifesaving procedure is performed by trained healthcare professionals to manage a blocked airway, respiratory failure, or the need for support during surgery. The process involves using a laryngoscope to visualize the vocal cords and guide the tube into the trachea, which is then secured and connected to a ventilator.) 

This is my trauma, nightmare and redemption. This is my greatest regret and insecurity... Sadly the patient didn't make it after all the efforts and complications. All the opposition could not resolve much. Then I wake up every time to it being real. That was more than a decade ago. It might make it into my works soon as a survivor as moving forward and remembering to let go. Partly as a coping mechanism of my depression, struggles and surcease. That was my dad that I had to intubate, watch & then they tell me that there was no more hope after despite all. What is yours?

 #strongerme 

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Amiel Gerald Roldan

August 24, 2025  

I'm trying to complement my writings with helpful inputs from AI through writing. Bear with me as I am treating this blog as repositories and drafts.   

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