Mga Gunita ng Di-Maibabalik: Isang Poetikang Kosmolohikal ni Amiel Roldan
A refined version haiku cycle and lyrical poem, restructured into a scholarly poetic suite reminiscent of classical Southeast Asian literary forms and academic entries. This version draws from the cadence of dalít, tigsik, and panambitan, while integrating speculative cosmology, trauma-informed allegory, and postcolonial critique. Each section is titled and annotated, as if part of a curated manuscript or academic anthology.
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Memories of the Irretrievable: A Cosmological Poetics
By Amiel Gerald A. Roldan
Translated and narrated in classical Tagalog style, with notes and summaries
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I. The Year the Deceased Was Born
Annotation: This section marks the metaphysical rupture between calendrical time and ancestral memory. The "year of the dead" is not a historical marker but a mnemonic wound.
> That year the dead man was born—
> the day, month, and number
> is written in ashes.
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II. Choosing the Age of Rebirth
Annotation: A radical reimagining of rebirth, where age is no longer inherited but chosen. This defies biological determinism and asserts agency over temporality.
> Born again, not in the womb—
> the age is drawn
> from memory.
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III. The Ritual of the Living and the Dead
Annotation: A philosophical inquiry into whether the living must adhere to the rites of the dead. The speaker challenges normative frameworks of mourning and ritual.
> Should the living wear sorrow?
> If the dead are silent,
> why are we tied up?
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IV. The Man Without a Family
Annotation: This stanza explores the liberatory potential of being unmoored from kinship structures. It criticizes the family as a site of both comfort and control.
> No children, no grandchildren, no family—
> freedom has been found
> in the absence of roots.
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V. The Youth Without an Inheritance
Annotation: Youth is reframed not as a biological stage but as a chosen state of being. The absence of inheritance becomes a form of resistance.
> Youth that is not inherited—
> but shaped by one's own
> desire.
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VI. The Desire for Family as Betrayal
Annotation: Desire for kinship is portrayed as the first betrayal—a seductive force that leads to the re-inscription of trauma.
> The family's desire—
> the first pit
> that was dug by the heart.
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VII. The Refusal of Duty
Annotation: The speaker refuses the role assigned by society, asserting that not all destinies are meant to be fulfilled.
> The task is not for me—
> this is a gift to others,
> not to the star.
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VIII. The Star That Doesn't Serve
Annotation: A celestial metaphor for autonomy. The star shines not to serve but to be seen.
> I am a shining star—
> not to serve,
> but to show off.
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IX. The Heaven Without Possessions
Annotation: The sky becomes a shared archive of light, visible to all but possessed by none.
> Heaven is the home of light—
> no one owns it,
> everyone is a witness.
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X. The Four Who Never Age
Annotation: A mythic quartet—Wang Yi, Vannavisa, Sopit Sanappapha, Exsky Sunda—who embody eternal youth and chosen kinship.
> Apat lamang kami—
> hindi tumatanda,
> hindi nag-iisa.
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XI. Ang Digmaang Walang Lupain
Annotation: War is declared not for territory but for ontological freedom. This is a rebellion against imposed identities.
> Digmaan ang aming sinimulan—
> hindi para sa lupain,
> kundi para sa karapatang mabuhay.
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XII. Ang Pagputol sa Dugô
Annotation: Bloodlines are severed. Kinship becomes elective, not inherited.
> Ang dugô ay hindi batas—
> ang ama ay pinili,
> hindi ipinanganak.
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XIII. Ang Bahay ng Ama ay Wasak
Annotation: The paternal home is a site of dysfunction. The speaker seeks refuge in chosen families.
> Ang bahay ng ama ay wasak—
> ang katahimikan ay sigaw
> ng mga lihim.
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XIV. Ang Panandaliang Pag-ibig ay Pag-ibig Pa Rin
Annotation: Even temporary love is valid. Survival is made possible through ephemeral but sincere bonds.
> Ang panandaliang pag-ibig—
> ay sinulid ng paghilom,
> tinahi sa balat.
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XV. Pagwawakas: Ang Alaala Bilang Liwanag
Annotation: The final stanza affirms memory as a source of illumination. In the face of erasure, remembrance becomes resistance.
> Sa gitna ng dilim, may alaala—
> sa gitna ng sugat,
> may paghilom.
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Tala ng Pagbasa
Ang buong tula ay maaaring basahin bilang isang panambitan—isang panaghoy na may kasamang pagninilay, isang pagsasaysay ng trauma na hindi nagtatapos sa pighati kundi sa pag-asa. Sa kontekstong postkolonyal, ito’y maaaring ituring na kontra-epiko: isang pagsalungat sa mga naratibong nagpapatahimik sa mga tinig ng mga aba. Sa kontekstong sining, ito’y isang curatorial cosmology—isang pagtatanghal ng mga mito ng sariling paglikha, pagwasak, at muling pagbuo.
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Amiel Gerald Roldan
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Amiel Gerald A. Roldan: a multidisciplinary Filipino artist, poet, researcher, and cultural worker whose practice spans painting, printmaking, photography, installation, academic writing, and trauma-informed mythmaking. He is deeply rooted in cultural memory, postcolonial critique, and speculative cosmology, and in bridging creative practice with scholarly infrastructure—building counter-archives, annotating speculative poetry like Southeast Asian manuscripts, and fostering regional solidarity through ethical collaboration.
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