It's the last quarter of 2011 year. A lot of things had happened and passed. Changes have matured everyone including me. Body aches and pains seems just too normal now. Vanity and old age seem most extreme too. I have lost a loved one yet I had gained new friends. My family is strong. I have thrown my heart to corporate servitude to better oneself and it handed me back a gift to start anew without strings attached. I had gambled and hoped I would not be regretful for choosing responsibilities first and yet Fate hands my freedom back unexpectedly. Stakes are on my side this time around- older and hopefully wiser. I am ready to work my ass off for my artmaking and to no one. I don't want to miss out on an important part. I want to breathe again.
They say when Serendipity smiles on you, you have to catch it with open arms. She has smiled at me many times and I had to let go. Yet, she smiles again and this time I could catch it with open arms and hopefully I would reach my own dreams now.
Sacrifice was a trait I had grown up. Religion has a lot to account for that. I grew up expecting that no good things came easily. So I had to work for it and wait until the right opportunity and signs. I waited mostly. I learned it was inevitable for me to reach my goals but between that and starting, I had some hard priorities first. It took more than a decade but the wait is well worth it.
I saw a funny account about a man wearing his best Halloween beggar costume with a placard bearing "Will work for an Iphone 4S". It made me think on just how much I would have to work for my artmaking if given the chance again?
My artmaking makes me proud and it also makes me broke- a friend's account seem to ring true. It is a jealous mistress if not a nagging wife. I am married to artmaking. Until I get this off my system, I probably wouldn't look hard to get married soon.
I chose a better year to start again. I am older and I have more time. I have my health and have the disposition now. I have my artmaking again. I had watched and learned inevitable lessons in life. Many of those that rose to early fame and wealth are nowhere there now. They forgot that simple things or achievements are what makes greater things more shinier. Those who kept a great hold and never let go had gone paranoid- losing simple friends. I hope they had been happy. They certainly dazzled the art scene. I hope they know what they have and don't have.
I have been passing my portfolios around again hoping for solo exhibitions. I know I am starting from ground zero but am enjoying the view from that perspective. I am lucky I know my way around. I am picking galleries I had good relations with before and which kept my interests on. I am also ambitious to work with the best galleries abroad. After a number of art administrative offers I learned to grin some more. There would be someplace for my own art I just have to make space and find my niche.
When I started my profession, I knew what I wanted was just to exhibit and paint. I met friends who wanted to do the same. I met friends who wanted also differently. I encountered some obstacles because I cared what others thought first. Nuances of what I wanted and what I did not want to do. I could not go on as I got distracted. Despite finding what I wanted to do, I cared what others wanted to do too. I waited and learned to do everything. It took me a long time while others passed me, I grinned and pushed on. I knew somehow everything would fall into place, that people would always be kind and happy about their dreams too and that was the key on how to be content with life. But somehow between their dreams, their artmaking and their choices they had regrets.
I always wish that as I grow older and every time I asses my life I would never have regrets and never be unhappy about my choices.
Amiel Gerald A. Roldan™
Mandaluyong City, Philippines
amiel_roldan@yahoo.com
amiel.roldan@gmail.com
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