Crazy Blog : Seven Sons

11212011

I had the strangest dream last night. The temperature in my room was humid and I knew that I was dreaming. I remember in my dream that I was gazing at my family in the past and future and that I had seven sons. Each bear a resemblance to me. Each slowly grew up before my eyes to be persons of worth. Strong, capable and great men of challenges. Each independent of the other but all looking towards me. I become prouder every second I see their accomplishments. I knew this must be a dream. I didn't have daughters to which I wondered. Yet the sons were from my loins. They traveled around greater cities and had their own families among them. I gasped at all the images. I could only watch and call each of them my own but from a dreamy bubble eye. Eventually, I was drawn farther away. Perhaps this is what parents were always meant to be. They would be witnesses and guides to their children and nothing less than that. I felt my heart would burst with pride yet I was scared that I was having a heart attack. I struggled to wake up but regretting I might miss the great life unfold before me and then I woke up.

I wonder what the dream meant, why seven and what I had to do? I know having seven sons would probably kill my future wife and that raising them all up would beggar me with too many distractions. I want a simpler life then. I didn't want the ending of my story. I didn't want it at all.




Amiel Gerald A. Roldan™
Mandaluyong City, Philippines

amiel_roldan@yahoo.com
amiel.roldan@gmail.com

*** visit me also at
www.amielroldan.tk
www.amiel-roldan.tk
www.amielroldan.wordpress.com
www.amielroldan.blogspot.com
www.fineartamerica.com/profiles/a-g-roldan.html
www.myspace.com/amiel_roldan
www.amiel_roldan.multiply.com

Will Work for Art

11202011


It's the last quarter of 2011 year. A lot of things had happened and passed. Changes have matured everyone including me. Body aches and pains seems just too normal now. Vanity and old age seem most extreme too.  I have lost a loved one yet I had gained new friends. My family is strong. I have thrown my heart to corporate servitude to better oneself and it handed me back a gift to start anew without strings attached. I had gambled and hoped I would not be regretful for choosing responsibilities first and yet Fate hands my freedom back unexpectedly. Stakes are on my side this time around- older and hopefully wiser. I am ready to work my ass off for my artmaking and to no one. I don't want to miss out on an important part. I want to breathe again.

They say when Serendipity smiles on you, you have to catch it with open arms. She has smiled at me many times and I had to let go. Yet, she smiles again and this time I could catch it with open arms and hopefully I would reach my own dreams now.

Sacrifice was a trait I had grown up. Religion has a lot to account for that. I grew up expecting that no good things came easily. So I had to work for it and wait until the right opportunity and signs. I waited mostly. I learned it was inevitable for me to reach my goals but between that and starting, I had some hard priorities first. It took more than a decade but the wait is well worth it.

I saw a funny account about a man wearing his best Halloween beggar costume with a placard bearing "Will work for an Iphone 4S". It made me think on just how much I would have to work for my artmaking if given the chance again?

My artmaking makes me proud and it also makes me broke- a friend's account seem to ring true. It is a jealous mistress if not a nagging wife. I am married to artmaking. Until I get this off my system, I probably wouldn't look hard to get married soon.

I chose a better year to start again. I am older and I have more time. I have my health and have the disposition now. I have my artmaking again. I had watched and learned inevitable lessons in life. Many of those that rose to early fame and wealth are nowhere there now. They forgot that simple things or achievements are what makes greater things more shinier. Those who kept a great hold and never let go had gone paranoid- losing simple friends. I hope they had been happy. They certainly dazzled the art scene. I hope they know what they have and don't have.

I have been passing my portfolios around again hoping for solo exhibitions. I know I am starting from ground zero but am enjoying the view from that perspective. I am lucky I know my way around. I am picking galleries I had good relations with before and which kept my interests on. I am also ambitious to work with the best galleries abroad. After a number of art administrative offers I learned to grin some more. There would be someplace for my own art I just have to make space and find my niche.

When I started my profession, I knew what I wanted was just to exhibit and paint. I met friends who wanted to do the same. I met friends who wanted also differently. I encountered some obstacles because I cared what others thought first. Nuances of what I wanted and what I did not want to do. I could not go on as I got distracted. Despite finding what I wanted to do, I cared what others wanted to do too. I waited and learned to do everything. It took me a long time while others passed me, I grinned and pushed on. I knew somehow everything would fall into place, that people would always be kind and happy about their dreams too and that was the key on how to be content with life. But somehow between their dreams, their artmaking and their choices they had regrets.

I always wish that as I grow older and every time I asses my life I would never have regrets and never be unhappy about my choices.

Amiel Gerald A. Roldan™
Mandaluyong City, Philippines

amiel_roldan@yahoo.com
amiel.roldan@gmail.com

*** visit me also at
www.amielroldan.tk
www.amiel-roldan.tk
www.amielroldan.wordpress.com
www.amielroldan.blogspot.com
www.fineartamerica.com/profiles/a-g-roldan.html
www.myspace.com/amiel_roldan
www.amiel_roldan.multiply.com

Lamenting on "Ifs"

11102011

The past few months were a trial. I have been quite busy with going around exhibitions, inventory, painting and promoting my own works around. I guess it is a humbling situation to be bogged down most of the time. I keep a positive outlook and persevere always. I am well rewarded by patience and sincerity of most people. I enjoy life and I hope to enjoy living it up. I keep life's challenges at an arm's length and the gains in the same light. We are always better on the next attempt and we just go on with it.  I have treated it well and no more regrets for me today. I have more choices in life than I could handle and I thrive on these sudden events.

Preparing and being prepared for the unexpected has their advantages. I had prepared all my life and worried much but that doesn't make my life complete. It just makes it bearable and convenient. We have only this lifetime to do the things we dream. It just starts this minute and let life lead you a merry chase. As an artist, I have the flexibility of time and attention to details. I am back to stay and make this count. Prestige and fame has come and gone. Memories leaves wanting yet satisfaction always if one has tested one's boundaries always. I hope in this I dont have to many regrets to burden me. I always have thought that seeking out the best people in their own fields and sharing lifetime and their thoughts bring about a more fruitful and fulfilled life.

In this lifetime we also need to pass on forward all that we can. In having shared the greatest experiences and triumphs, I feel accomplished and content. In helping others especially the young ones about life then a greater plan unfolds. If one could be all then all for the best. If  it proves to be another challenge then we take it as such.

I find that as long as I could do a little bit in life, I do not worry about making it count. I fear always that I could not do my best at all times but who does? We only have the approximation of our best. We have ourselves to retrospect and a nagging self is a bad company.


Amiel Gerald A. Roldan™
Mandaluyong City, Philippines

amiel_roldan@yahoo.com
amiel.roldan@gmail.com

*** visit me also at
www.amielroldan.tk
www.amiel-roldan.tk
www.amielroldan.wordpress.com
www.amielroldan.blogspot.com
www.fineartamerica.com/profiles/a-g-roldan.html
www.myspace.com/amiel_roldan
www.amiel_roldan.multiply.com

Nice Girls are Made Up of Cups, Saucers, Pendants and Everything Nice!

10072011

A lot of people are probably going to be pissed. The blog title started on a different note. I admire very few works and artists. I hate hyping as I believe that better artists and works could stand on their own merits. I seldom take more than necessary for a press release. I rather like taking liberties with the ideas and images with my own article though. I am sometimes a bit frank and a little detrimental if I get get carried away. But I say what I want to say. If I don't like an exhibit I wouldn't mention it. I don't take detailed pictures much and I just have the layout photo for future references. If I don't like an artist lo behold I get overly creative and critical. I think I could be worse. I am worse. Sometimes it merits more reference.

I don't like taking all the fun off an exhibit. I consider an artist taking the risk with presenting his works at a good venue. My documentations are for wetting up the viewers appetite. It is not meant to take away the experience of time, sounds and the venue itself. I love going around shows both with the noisy crowd and on my own. Those are experiences I treasure much and my blogs and photographs are very supportive of those thrusts. Go to galleries and watch exhibitions. The experience is enlightening and educational.

Two noteworthy exhibits that I believe in were by women artists. I am happy that both grew and continue to progress in their works. I hope that they would continue to work with their inspirations and challenge norms and concepts as well as skills and character. Men artists could be so full of ourselves that quite strength sometimes are what is needed. Simplicity and vision could be lost rather that pushed forward.

I got carried away yesterday with my visit at Tin-aw Gallery. It is a good place to visit when you have the time. You would always have an entertaining time looking at their exhibitions. I met friends there and a good staple of gallery hopping. The owners Maria and Dawn loves to talk. Ha ha ha ha ha. Sharing a cup of coffee and good conversation about the art scene completes my day. I forget time when this rarity happens. Even though they were preparing for an night's grand opening at Finale with Mark Justiniani's, I get almost three hours of good insight, marvelous time plus a well curated Pam Yan Santos show titled "They Are Birds If They Fly".

I didn't get to visit Keiye Miranda's exhibition "Strangely Familiar". My loss. I only saw the pictures posted on the net. Perhaps, it should be a good thing. I was impressed with the pictures and the concept. I would rather though have only the pendants present. It's my opinion though that it could have well stood on its own.

A lot of artists have the tendency to clutter their exhibitions with explorations, studies, improper notations and highfalutin exhibition notes that is frankly grandstanding of most curator's to be and impassioned idiot writers. An exhibition to be strong should not have distractions. I would have the artist show through his body of work not bodies of work. A show is not a portfolio but fine tuned offerings. It is well thought off and the best the artist could offer at this time. To have old works and references rather makes it pathetic. I have it that exhibition notes are there to give insights otherwise not known. To have another writer write their own interpretation, melodrama and reference on other works take away more than it gives. If your're the artist you wouldn't want to have the show taken away from you.

Some artists also are there more for the sentimentality. Boring. It brook on idiosyncrasy, dead end and stagnation. Fools.

Amiel Gerald A. Roldan™

Mandaluyong City, Philippines

*** visit me at

www.amiel-roldan.tk

www.amielroldan.tk

www.amielaceremoroldan.tk

at my blogs:

www.amielroldan.wordpress.com

www.amielroldan.blogspot.com

www.fineartamerica.com/profiles/a-g-roldan.html

www.myspace.com/amiel_roldan

www.amiel_roldan.multiply.com

www.face-pic.com/amiel_roldan

please comment and tag if you like my compilations.

amiel_roldan@yahoo.com

amiel.roldan@gmail.com

The Bisaya and the Alog

10042011


My grandfather's ancestors hailed from the province of Ilo-ilo a long time ago. It was a time when nights were the blackest and nature provided sustenance to those who toil and take care of her. We were not landed from that part of the family yet those from my father side were from a robust stock. My grandfather Gerardo was eldest of 12 siblings from Cabatuan, Ilo-ilo. The province of Ilo-ilo had many Spanish descendants as well as chinese immigrants. His father, my grandfather Jose, died early leaving his mother Maria sole provider for the big family. Grandfather Jose wasn't educated and earned minimally from what he could eke out. So they struggled and had no property of their own. Though their struggles were felt somewhat through early years the family survived. They had an older soldier son who died during the war early eventually leaving my grandmother a soldier's pension through her old years. My grandfather Gerardo being the eldest now had opportunity to learn how to read and write. This knowledge saved him a number of times through the years. It gave him the assurance of writing his name and filing for pension after the war. Later it brought him to America as a veteran soldier. Some of their children grew up and eventually had families abroad. His siblings were able to live comfortably but were not a wealthy clan. Most became soldiers and seamen. We were prone to gamble and vices and those contributed to the struggle.

My grandfather Gerardo later married my grandmother Brigida from an educated family. My grandfather Jose, her father, was not that wealthy but schooled and later became a banker in town. Grandfather Jose was also the village head chief. Villagers sought his opinions for years as the rare educated man of the village. He was educated until grade six and that afforded him the opportunity to teach as a profession. He married my grandmother Elvira, a well-landed lass from a prominent family and settled in Badjiang, Iloilo - my grandmother Elvira's land. There they took care of their brood of 10 children. My grandmother and my grandfather settled for a time in her mother's village. This provided well. The children grew up among other relatives and nurtured the land. The food was abundant, livestock were plentiful, and produce provided for all. Fruit bearing trees were ripe for the pickings, eggs were picked early on by younger children to store and eat for breakfast and there was no want. They didn't buy any food but grew them around. The family flourished. They traded among town folks. Land grew wider.


Then the war came. Landed people hid among the villagers and were set back for their safety. Produce left untended. They toiled and never imagined the changes to come. Men and women went to war. Hunger for those in the run and for those left behind servitude. They fought almost naked and in sacks they could scourge around. They waited with just the assurance that their few weapons would be enough to fight the Japanese coming from Lingayen. But they were ill prepared when the Japanese soldiers eventually came. They were on bicycles and with tanks that took the towns and the provinces by storm. They were ruthless and disciplined. They were at their gates in less time that the Filipino soldiers expected so the people fled and became guerrillas. In less than six months the clothes on the guerrillas who fought were shredded beyond use. But they were supported with later with weapons and guns by the war and the allied Americans who promised to help. When the Americans came they fought with them. The province and parts of the Philippines were under Japanese rule. When the Americans left they still fought. Children grew up with the war. My family survived but some died too. Accounts tells that they helped hide people sought by the Japanese. Being educated afforded them to be more prepared. While the war was being fought, it seemed my family survived. Sons and daughters grew up to be fathers and mothers. When we won the war it was not the same place they grew up in. Men had their guns and kept guns and ammunition in their homes. Women now afforded to learn and work. Children became more craftier. A new awareness they would bring with them when they grew up. Learning from the Japanese and eventually the Americans another way of life and survival. They learned the ways of the West. Among these to feed on imported products. Cigarettes were abundant during the war, canned goods and chocolates. What we toiled from around us we now had in wrappers and shipped around. The lack of discipline and vices shredded morals as the good people tried to build the country back.

My grandfather Gerardo and grandmother Brigida later moved to Mandaluyong, Manila. My grandfather worked in an office and my grandmother worked in an overseas call telephone company. Between them the family survived. They had eight children. The eldest was afforded a soldiers scholarship from my grandfather. The second son named Gerardo, they paid for in education. The third named Cesar(my father), worked and paid for his education. They became the pillars of the now smaller family in Manila. The three sons became lawyers. They had several younger children and between the adults and the older siblings, they all took care of their new home. Struggling from the trauma of the war and dislocation, the city life offered a novelty and hope too. The youngest named Narciso, they eventually brought to America later on. Another son Robert followed but settled eventually in Canada in adulthood. Another son Jose stayed in the Philippines. Daughters married and had their own family. We again had a big family but this time of a Bisaya and Aglog descent. We are the Bertiz - Roldan Family in Manila. My grandmother died while in America. My grandfather later married my stepgrandmother Saling and adopted children who also became Americans. Still surviving today in her years in her own house, my grandmother lives with grandfather's American pension.

There were more for the family yet there were also less. We never had the large mass land again to run around. I grew up in Mandaluyong where my grandfather and grandmother stayed and first settled in. There were few of us here. The other three Roldan brothers left in Manila settled around and we became a compound of close relatives. I still think of all the struggles and triumphs the family had. I still imagine the roots that we nurtured. Yet life goes on and this time life will go on for a newer generation.





Amiel Gerald A. Roldan™
Mandaluyong City, Philippines

amiel_roldan@yahoo.com
amiel.roldan@gmail.com

*** visit me also at
www.amielroldan.tk
www.amiel-roldan.tk
www.amielroldan.wordpress.com
www.amielroldan.blogspot.com
www.fineartamerica.com/profiles/a-g-roldan.html
www.myspace.com/amiel_roldan
www.amiel_roldan.multiply.com

******

Disclosures

My Humblest Apologies.

Greetings!

I would like to create this blog for all my writings, poetries and random thoughts.

I wish I had the patience to continue to post, edit and reedit my writings . I enjoy writing a lot. I believe that we should continue to improve ourselves for the best. Explore different avenues that we could complement what we like to do. I am proud that I have been able to share my works with other people. I know I missed a lot of spellings. I have quite long sentences. I don't follow conventional writing. I had hope I would be much aware of these as I grow into writing. But Alas! I tend to drag and be emotional about accounts. I just want to capture the moment… and when I am done I just don’t have the heart to edit it the same day… I just recently noticed that they are being read and commented upon… My many apologies… I have the idea that I would still have time to reedit…

I would like to share thoughts and in some accounts I could be brutal, frank and in others flighty and vague. I apologize that I may cause some sleepless nights to unfortunate people . I believe that we could do justice to great people, accounts, thoughts and good works if we could be able to capture them somehow in an impartial and up to date writeups. I am excited to include photos and actual images and artworks to my compilations. I would just take time to enjoy the discovery and revelations in this tech application. The blogging world is a source of wonder for me now.. Ha ha ha ha ha… I just wanted a portfolio I could look back and work on… I was hoping that they would be in place still when I read them again.. I keep losing my writings. I think that an hour is lost forever when I accidentally delete one or throw them away with trash… I am sorry that the works are ever in progress still … I have no concept of publish and save still… The blog is a space to file I could not ignore and not explore … I dreaded emails now because they could be deleted if you fail to log in a few months… Many thanks to those who read patiently through some early works … Again my humblest apologies… I would like to post my blogs about people, places, art, stories, concepts, poems and quotes. Please feel free to write me back for comments and suggestions. I hope to improve my writings. I wish to give satires, observations and comments through my works. I wish to help in opening discussions and clarifying issues in the Philippines and wherever art may touch base with…

I dreaded emails now because they could be deleted if you fail to log in a few months...

Be responsible for your actions and meet life head on!

I would like to pave the way for my amatuerish short stories, illustrations, comics and video editing in the near future.




08 15 2008... Here is another day. A start of another chapter... I just uploaded pictures on some of my social sites. I am smug about being part of the recent anniversary... I am going around much of Cebu now. I walk and walk a thousand steps. I have that habit of thinking and walking in that order... It saves on gas and money. I am saving some nowadays... I will be going home by end of the year for a visit or on february for my sister's wedding... People are getting married nowadays... I just noticed it ... Ha ha ha ha ha... I am happy for everyone... I am getting there though ...to the part of being older everyday.... sign off...


*** Thank you for your visit here in at Blogger! Kudos!

Amiel Gerald A. Roldan™


visit me also at


*** visit me at
www.amiel-roldan.tk
www.amielroldan.tk
www.amielaceremoroldan.tk

at my blogs:

www.amielroldan.wordpress.com
www.amielroldan.blogspot.com
www.fineartamerica.com/profiles/a-g-roldan.html
www.myspace.com/amiel_roldan
www.amiel_roldan.multiply.com
www.face-pic.com/amiel_roldan

please comment and tag if you like my compilations.

amiel_roldan@yahoo.com
amiel.roldan@gmail.com



********

An Old Maid, A Storm Surge and A Forgotten Birthday

10032011

Last night, I spent the time talking with relatives abroad in ********. Re: It's a god given country anywhere but my country. Ha ha ha ha ha... Hardly any art happens there? Not me. I just want to visit for a day. Is there any artist who wants to go and actually stay there? Nothing much happens there. A cousin recently left to work there cleaning his act. The novelty hasn't worn off yet so everyone is in a chirping mood. It was another of those skype chat topics that ends up unexpectedly about the youngest cousin. Me. (Greatest looking and enigmatic dude among the brood). Hey am writing this so that stays. That is me. The painter among well accomplished professional farts. It was about mundane things, unimportant, earthly concerns and unchallenging vision. The big question. How one should rethink their priorities, immigrate and get hitched quick before the juice of you spermhood drizzles, dries up and be laid to waste? Hahahahaha. I am 39 and single. Am enjoying singlehood without the trappings of responsibilities. Am living my life. It is the time even my mother has finally given up asking me to find a partner and have kids. Finally! Adulthood at my fingertips.

I guess after the greetings and how dos'? With nothing else to say. One has to comment about how great life is of having a family. I have one. I have a life. No questions about that. Not to me there is none. It is the logical thing to be critical of another's state of mind or status. No harm meant. (It was a family member I was talking with and I never take offense.) After a few jabs, flights, ducks and stings, one just happens to land a lucky punch - bring in the rowdy jests, teasings and camaraderie puns of older cousins in a state of bliss, professional stability, enlightened purpose and eternal contentment. Well it is to be expected. Among boys, one will always have competition. Never mind that we all will be in our forties. Who had the prettiest broad, slept with whom, been associated with and did that? Trying to avoid another killer topic (I will just talk about this the next time) ends up on the ins and outs of accomplishing getting a visa. Too ordinary I guess. Never mind that I tell them am doing a lot of visiting hopefully this coming year and might drop by their house of abode to be regaled on how great life abroad as an immigrant is. It's my status they say... I am unemployed and just nixed a great opportunity to stay with a great compaby like any normal person. Perhaps that's it! I don't feel normal that I have to get everything done to be happy. I need not be married to be contented I need not be with kids to be satisfied in my career. Having learned early that you don't want your older cousins to be a step ahead of you. Keep your cards hidden and one just nods and does what one wants in the end. Weird really. I like having older cousins and having them stay dimwitted forever. Quite convenient for me not to match brawn with any of them through the years. I just don't want to waste time arguing when we accomplish other greater thoughts and pranks. So here I am hitched with a fb pal, oggling at fb pictures , adding up a virtual stranger to my fb list of friends probably without anything in common. Sigh. Let's hope the blond blue eyed woman adds me first and not the old maid -"an older maiden" could be a better and practical stringing of words. That's life for me now. I did request for imported rubber shoes to be sent to my address for icebreaker. Nice. If it happens then it happens - so be it. Am practical.

Another topic then. One could hardly miss the typhoon Pedring that caused a storm surge along some of our coastal areas. Pity. So many natural calamities every year. I guess we have to prepare ourselves about the changes in our lives. I just want to add that mirroring all the calamities the past few years we still lack the right attitude and preparation despite all the experiences. Higher costs and taxes happened this year. Inept and blunt reasoning still prevails. Filipinos are just waiting for the next elections for the grandstanding and the empty promises.

It was one of those days that a rare thing happens. I forgot a birthday. Since the person having his natal day doesn't have a fb or any other social network this event happened. There was a time forgetting seems normal but now you could be prompted about upcoming birthdays ahead of time to prepare. No excuses. I guess this would be the cool thing nowadays. On the plus side one could set up greeting cards that would also send automatically thus freeing you the mundane task of sending out one. Convenient not to be inconvenienced. That's the modern life. My nephew of three doesn't have a fb. Normal parents nowadays would have set one up for their none fbing toddlers to post convenient photos, videos and updates. It's the season too and likely a great way to connect with erstwhile inattentive godparents. Better just get up from my stool now and shower for the event. Tsk tsk tsk.


Amiel Gerald A. Roldan
Mandaluyong City, Philippines


amiel_roldan@yahoo.com
amiel.roldan@gmail.com

*** visit me also at
www.amielroldan.tk
www.amiel-roldan.tk
www.amielroldan.wordpress.com
www.amielroldan.blogspot.com
www.fineartamerica.com/profiles/a-g-roldan.html
www.myspace.com/amiel_roldan
www.amiel_roldan.multiply.com

******