Winner Takes All!

Winner Takes All !
June 29, 2009, 9:15 am
***05 31 2009


Last night was damn inconvenient. Stranded by rain and cornered by friends… It was a scenario I never expected to happen last night. Ha ha ha ha. It was one of those evenings you want to go home, forget about the issues and avoid all confrontations. I am still in relapse as I write this article though. Short of getting pneumonia, I stayed put and tried to avoid answering the questions thrown at me. The food is always great at Dr. Cuanang’s functions and I was just happy to have my fill.

The exhibit at Pinto Gallery was a good show. It was enough for collectors to go crazy again for Antonio Leaño’s paintings after a few years of almost ignoring him. He returned to his figurative works for the collections and incorporated his textural drippings of late. A guest asked me frankly what the technique was and I thought about the word “appropriation.” He did combine his two inclinations as assemblages with this new series of drawings and paintings. Two facets of the artist at a standstill. I still admire that he reinvented himself with his non-representational works after his much sought out figurative pieces. Even if this has had its drawback. He is stronger for it. He is an established artist and one of the few I admired and followed in his mid-career. I am happy that we are following their generation’s breakthroughs and that they remain strong in the art scene today. The show was sold out before the night even started. There were many guests but less than when I last visited the art compound on another major show. It was a cause for celebration and all the works were well arranged. Thanks to Ruel Caasi who curated it but not for asking me frankly why I picked up Kulay Diwa Art Galleries when one has left it behind? A pity that the rain started to get stronger as night came. There was no escape in sight. The rain stranded most of them would be guests in their homes. So those that remained were lucky because everywhere in Rizal was mud, muck, and traffic.



The day started quite well. I attended my nephew’s baptism at the Edsa Shrine with a French priest officiating. We were all happy about the occasion finally happening. It was quite unique though to listen to a foreigner priest. We were all ears as we listened to the enunciation of the sacraments lest my nephew not be baptized properly and prayers sent to a different place. It was all rolling Rs. Ha ha ha ha… The poor kid had to be dressed up for the occasion and some of his jokes were missed completely. (The priest was missing a lot of his punchlines and not my nephew who is only 8 months. Ha ha ha.) I do give credit to the priest for doing his best though. After less than an hour we welcomed a new Christian boy. We then celebrated the occasion by trooping to my sister Hazel’s house in Cainta. The food was good. The kaldereta cooked by my “bayaw” was spicy awesome. I am lucky with my brothers’ in law as they are quite accomplished cooks and come from talented families. A pity I had to attend the exhibit because we could have ended the day with karaoke and believe me some of the people there that day are really great singers.

Going back to the event with friends I was relating. They were asking a lot of questions about my works, my galleries and my being uncontrollable a few years back. I have left a lot of controversial and sticky situations before and not bothered to clear them up properly. I guess because of recent scandals mine would not be overlooked this time. The Pinto Gallery was a big place in a big compound. Hiding somewhere would be a good idea I thought. Nah! It was really raining hard and I probably end up stranded for the whole night if I did that. Ha ha ha ha. I am taking this time to admit my errors in keeping curator Tence Ruiz and writer Ritchie Lerma in suspense until the exhibit day. The only excuse is financial constraints. I am sorry about the whole situation. I am not good at juggling home and personal expenses let alone for exhibits. I seldom also share my problems. They asked me also why I had all my co ACC artists breathing down my neck. Well, that was professional too as that was connected with one of the artists being at ends with me working for Kulay Diwa Art Galleries. It was an established artist who wanted to close the space permanently for personal reasons. Sigh… We are always caught between issues we don’t know about. Having no stand is better than being on the other side…. Sigh. Ha ha ha… But we also had that cleared up eventually after a few years. We are sort of talking again. It was bad enough that we were at odds but I guess we had to include others too and made it complicated. I would just keep mum on that… They had years to enjoy each other…



Another question asked was why I had been outed from Surrounded By Water Gallery after years of camaraderie and working together?



Yes, there was disagreement… I left SBW after meeting with the group about certain do’s and don’ts. They did not remove me because I resigned as a member of my option. Opening the airconditioning for guests was a big “No”. We call it energy saving now but it also included not opening the lights when we have one visitor or two. Daylight would suffice. Since the Gallery was Artist-Run-Space it has to be collective and consensus. It also might be better to see them without lights on. Maybe it wasn’t really the issue more to my attitude of being uncooperative. We were young with big sense of pride once right? With three pairings officiating it was really hard to be the odd one out on trial. Where was justice? Ha ha ha ha… It was time to break off too for me then. I was less of a group but I was more of an individual on my own now. I could not be unsympathetic about our causes. SBW needed less of me now. I saw it too. Eventually, we got over our differences and we became friends again.

Honestly, I had no answers back then that I wish to defend myself other than we stand by our choices. I just wanted to believe that there would always be venues that would always be open for young artists to show in. A good space that we could work with peers, where we could appreciate our works in and see other peer works. Hiraya Gallery was alienated at the time and so was Boston Gallery. Nineveh Gallery was also distanced and even farther than anything in Sta. Rosa Laguna. Even though they also had a contingent there of artists they also had bigger factions. Sigh… Sigh…. No one could show at Duemila Gallery, West Gallery or Finale Gallery if they were not saleable or established. Drawingroom was very competitive and still is. I try to keep it separated as I consign there. Exhibiting again in Hiraya Gallery would have opened more pressure on me and outright retribution for blood… Sigh… Hiraya Gallery was a bigger issue untouched for years when I stayed out there to continue to exhibit… Never mind that it too had history and was the best-damned gallery in the country for years…You had to go with the flow… You get dizzy choosing sides. I still wonder what an ideal prudish gallery is. There were few people I needed to explain myself about my choices. Bobi V. always knew my stand. Because I was like a right hand that could do what the other left hand would not do. Sigh… Ha ha ha ha. I always wondered why I turned up rebellious. I guess it runs in my veins. When I am down I rise to the challenge.

I saw that if we could keep Kulay Diwa Art Galleries open for a few more years maybe this generation would be better. There were already good shows that Kulay Diwa Art Galleries contributed while Bobi V was the curator. But we didn’t have that ideal place when I came back from the States. There was no curator there and no artists anymore. I promised Bobi V. before I left that I would work to help. It was just that when I came back everything was a mess. No one was speaking about anything and there was less a gallery to show in. The young artists that I was working with alongside were all in factions. We didn’t have any place to call home now. I guess they grew up when I was gone. All because of factions and ethical differences. We were faced with starting again from scratch. Some accepted that they would rather start again from scratch rather than work differences and problems. I had always worked with scratch and been not afraid of it but I was tired now. It had happened before and I just wanted to help out. I took a stand and made my choice. I opened up the spaces for almost three years to help young artists have one more venue to exhibit in. It was a struggle and harder climb for me. All my optimism was steadily being eroded by criticism and gossip. Friends are not friends anymore. The basic is that we needed venues and bodies of works to show. The attention would be towards the international scene. Not to Singapore, Malaysia, Australia, New Zealand or Hongkong only but to major European countries and America. Filipino artists are good if only we realize it on time. We are parr with the best if only we knew how to help one another too.



On a note. I wanted to do what was right. I knew there was a big problem with money and irresponsibility hanging in the air. I thought that it could be fixed. Within ourselves, we fought and became factions. There were envy and misunderstanding and there were fewer young artists. It severed it permanently and divided it with abrupt finality. My own artmaking had no place in it. There was no place I wanted to show my works if this was happening around me. This was not a situation I would like to keep my artmaking in but it was a situation I could clear up as a friend.



I chose to stay. I did stay for almost three years. It was very hard for me financially. I also had my family but I was working for other artists to come up with a body of works and exhibits that I knew would not be secure. I knew where we all came from. I was burning candles at both ends. To be a full-time painter we had to make sacrifices. I was not able to have the time nor finances. Working for demanding minds did take its toll. I also made my mistakes. I lost self-confidence. I wanted Kulay Diwa Art Galleries to be open to emerging artists rather than the established ones. There were fewer artists. I wanted to know how strong my commitment then to helping them realize some of their concepts. There were fewer collectors. There were only two people that worked for Kulay Diwa for two years. It became very demanding for me. Time became demanding for me. Bobi V. had prioritized time and effort to promote young artists and I wanted it to continue it. It had no name by this time but I was passionate about it.

Ian Victoriano, Don Salubayba, Leslie de Chavez, et al. were starting another venue with Tambayan Makiling but I knew it would not be enough. I guess new ideas come from the old one. We should be opening more not closing the existing ones. We were all factions within a bigger group. We pull each other down. We pull them even if we don’t realize it. The venues at that time were not enough for artists and other galleries were already fully booked. I had made my stand even though it meant I had to sacrifice not exhibiting at Kulay Diwa Galleries because I would be curating there. It was already my gallery of choice with Bobi V. when I left. It was a pity he was not there nor here right now. If the times had been better I would have continued on my own. At this time the pressure I was also in had resulted in letting it be a compromise. I entered a contract that I would be in fully in charge with the three galleries in Kulay Diwa Art Galleries for three years at the most to keep it open for emerging artists. I would have the decision to choose the exhibits that would be shown and the artists to include. It opened possibilities and it closed mine. I would have to commute for an hour to open it every day but that would mean I could also visit Bobi V almost every day. I would have support for invitations, tarpaulin, openings, and press releases. It would mean I could not work or teach anymore. The time I have in managing my dad’s office would also be limited. It was less income for the household. I could not stay home because at anytime a collector could see the young artists and their works. I brought in some artists to exhibit largely on the two years. We came up with concepts and invitations for the exhibits. In one of the exhibits “Bagong Panahon,” I was able to come up with an invitational exhibit like what we previously did with a very large group of young artists. It was my concept and am proud of accomplishing it with the support of Bobbit Nolasco. This marked the collaborations with different artists and invitations with artist around the Philippines. It also started with ideas to exhibit emerging artists alongside international artists that we were able to invite. It was a pity that we had fewer visitors to the openings. It was unfortunate that the biggest spaces available for young artists were an hour away from Megamall. It was unfortunate that young artists could not go there anymore as frequently. It was opened for the collectors and buyers during the shows. The artists could come with their guests provided that the owner was there or that I was available. It was not a problem because we could stay there the whole day. I had invited a lot of artists and am thankful even for the few that risked and came. I would forever be grateful to them on sharing in this instance their ideas, concepts and time to work with me and Kulay Diwa Art Galleries. This has been momentous for me. It has been an upheaval and yet it strengthened my determination to succeed despite odds. There would not have been another opportunity for me to show my earnestness to curate in Kulay Diwa Art Galleries or with any other gallery at that time. I am just sorry that it had to be harsh for all of us to work in that kind of stressful environment of factions and competition. What I believed is that there would be opportunities for the young artists to come up with their own concepts if there were venues to exhibit in. That Kulay Diwa Art Galleries would be supportive of their pursuits. I have never swayed from this belief. I never in any instance entertained that there would be less for them if they had remained and not exhibited at all.

Why did I stop curating for Kulay Diwa Art Galleries?

I stopped because like Bobi V my parents are getting older. It was hard for me to struggle as I grew older but I made the choice. But it could not be said for older people. Sickness and health insurance should be available to them always. I would expect that too when it is time for me to retire. I had to work for three years so that I could build up finances for my home and my parents to live in. I hope artists would realize to get health cards for their loved ones and be responsible for their own health. We would always be the first casualties. I was hoping that I could come back to make amends but sometimes we are too late. Now that I had finished and made medical records available for my parents, everything is fine for now. Maybe I would have the chance to start again to organize, curate and paint.



We become stronger with adversity and become challenged with knowledge and choices we make on our own. We have others to be examples and to guide us but it is still our decisions and our call. With Bobi Valenzuela gone now, we are still faced with what we have done and have chosen to do. We are now adults. We have made our mistakes and we learn from them as we learn from all our successes. We are human. We are alive. We breathe art. We will continue to make art our whole lives lest we not complete ourselves.

P.S. For the record there was no issue about airconditioning again. I am able to open it to my heart’s content at KD. Ha ha ha ha.


Amiel Gerald A. Roldan™
Mandaluyong City, Philippines

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